Women who date transmen are NOT automatically lesbians.

Because I’ve gotten more Google hits for “are women who date transmen lesbians?” in the past day than I have in the entire time this blog has been up.

Women who date transmen are whatever they identified as before they started dating.  If a straight women dates a transman then she’s still straight.  If a bisexual woman dates a transman then she’s still bisexual.  If a lesbian woman dates a transman then she’s still a lesbian, but her transguy partner and fellow lesbian friends may call her out on why that poses some problems.

Same goes for gay men.  Gay men who date transmen are still GAY.  The presence of a vagina does not change the fact that transmen are MEN.  Bisexual men are still bisexual.  Straight men have the same issues as lesbian women, their sexual identity directly conflicts with our gender identity.  The couple in question either has to accept that conflict or come up with new labels for themselves (or drop labels entirely).  Personally, I would not be comfortable dating a man who considered himself straight.  It would make me feel like I was being seen as a woman.  Luckily, that’s never been an issue.

So.  One last time.  Straight women who date transmen are straight.  Gay men who date transmen are gay.  Are we all clear now?

In other news: Apologies for how quiet it’s been around here.  Friend of mine is going through a rough patch and I’ve been busy keeping him distracted.

4 Replies to “Women who date transmen are NOT automatically lesbians.”

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention FtM 101: Sexuality | Not Another Aiden -- Topsy.com

  2. I’m actually really curious…

    …do you face a lot of difficulty in finding gay men to date? I suspect that bisexual men would be more tractable, but I can see your trans status being a barrier for gay men much like it can be a barrier for het trans women.

    • Less now than I used to. There was a point at which I thought it was impossible, not too long ago actually. A lot has changed since then though. Part of it is increased self confidence and physical transition finally kicking in, but the bump in trans awareness has helped too. There are still some issues with guys my own age and older, though less than there used to be. Guys two or three years younger tend to not be phased, even if they do still need some help understanding the finer points (like, y’know, not saying ‘tranny’ all the goddamned time). In some ways it’s a nice change, in others it’s kind of annoying because I’m not comfortable with the idea of people guessing I’m trans before I have a chance to tell them.

  3. Love this. Thanks for being straightfoward! I am a straight woman dating a trans man, I posted a question on the transbucket.com forums, and someone directed me here. I’ll be sure to keep up with your blog! Thanks again!

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