Don’t Make Your Entire Life About Transition

I know, sometimes that seems impossible.  When you first come out it’s like you figured out this secret society full of cool new people and ideas.  It can be overwhelming, especially if you also jump into physical transition.

You don’t want to make your entire life about being trans, though.  It’s a damned good way to make sure you feel like crap after you’ve done everything you want to do.  It’s also a good way to start yourself off on a bitter and lonely life.  When the only aspect of yourself you focus on is being trans the world seems more hostile than it truly is.  Let’s be honest, life’s not easy for a boy named Sue.  Life’s really not easy when Sue can’t just whip out his penis to answer any questions.  If you allow yourself to only focus on the transphobic aspects of society you’ll miss all of the good things we’ve done.

Don’t forget that there’s more to you than being trans.  I’m sure you’re an amazing person with unique gifts to offer the world.  Everyone has something that makes them special, even if it’s as mundane as being able to recite the entire Twilight series from memory.  Go do things that made you happy before you came out.  Nurture those things, don’t push them aside just because you’re excited about being trans.  You’ll regret it once you’re no longer focused on transition and have to catch up on web design or piano or WoW.

Also remember your pre-transition friends.  The ONLY reason to ignore them is if they refuse to accept who you are — and even then I’d give them some time to adjust (took my oldest friend two years to come around).  Friends who’ve known you a while have a different perspective than new friends.  They know about the time you accidentally pushed the principal in the pool and how you’re terrified of bees because you stepped on one when you were five.  Old friends also know the stories from pre-transition, stories you may not always be able to tell new friends if you don’t want to come out.

I don’t want anyone to think they shouldn’t have trans* friends.  Without my trans* friends I’d have never made it through the first year.  Even now, I like having trans* friends so I can vent about things like still being uncomfortable in locker rooms and not knowing whether or not to disclose to someone.  There are certain things that only another transperson can understand.  Just make sure you’re not neglecting your non-trans friends in the process.  Most of the time they want you to be happy, even if they don’t quite understand why you need to transition.

Go to trans events, have trans friends, explore this new aspect of your life.  It is important — certainly for the first year or so — and you’ll end up learning some pretty cool things about yourself.  As long as you remember to set aside some time for the aspects of yourself that aren’t trans-related you’ll be fine.  Give yourself the opportunity to be a whole person instead of a transperson.  You’ll have more to look forward to once you’ve gotten the physical stuff out of the way.