I’m bi and trans, and I’ve only ever dated other bi’s. I know that there are plenty of gay and straight people who date trans people, but I know that I would always be worried that I’m inadequate. Do/did you have that problem? How did you get over it?

This is amusing to me because I actually have the *opposite* problem. I have problems dating bi/pan guys because I’m always worried they’ll see me as a girl or something ‘in between’.

So…I guess I don’t really have any advice for you. My issue with bi/pan guys has gotten better since I started passing better and became more comfortable with myself. That’s about it.

Ask me anything

Have you dated an FtM? Would you?

I have. It’s not that big of a deal. I’m into guys, trans guys are guys, I’m good.

I *don’t*, however, top vagina. I’ve tried. It was really awkward and kind of terrifying.

I also haven’t dated anyone — trans or cis — who identified as anything other than male. So no genderqueer trans guys or trans as an identity trans guys. Not necessarily because it’s a deal breaker, but because I tend to not get along with those guys. We look at our gender and histories in such fundamentally different ways that there end up being fights. That’s fine for friends, but way too tiring for a relationship.

Ask me anything

Hrm.  Reading again that second part makes a bit less sense.  I haven’t dated anyone who identifies as anything other than male regardless of genital configuration is probably a better phrasing.

One more Formspring: Clothes

What advice do you have for smaller transguys in terms of finding clothing? Nothing too fancy is necessary, I’m a college lad.
– Anonymous

How small and what kind of proportions?  I’m short with dancer/gymnast proportions (long, lean arms and legs, no torso to speak of) so I tend to go with either boys’ sizes or smaller men’s sizes in slim cuts.

If you’re more square or just out of kid sizes I’d go with places like H&M and TopMan, anywhere that stocks a men’s XS/XXS (usually these places cater to metro and/or emo college boys).  If you can afford it, Abercrombie (kids, not A&F) has a nice selection of clothes in the “between boys’ and men’s” size range.  For anyone who can get to a Celio, I maintain their shirts are magic.  I end up wearing the same size as a far better built friend, it’s awesome.

I also recommend learning to sew.  I know, you’re probably busy enough with college, but it’s a great way to get well fitting clothes for very little money.  Besides, it means that if you find something you like that needs a tiny bit of alteration you can do it yourself.

Fuckin’ Finally!

First I have work, then I have to fumigate my apartment (note: always trust your instinct when it comes to pet-sitters), then my ISP decides to turn into evil incarnate, I’m amazed there are actually still hits on here!

I still have comments I need to get to so if there’s anything major anyone’d like me to know hit me up on e-mail (notaiden[at]gmail[dot]com).  For now here’s a question from the Formspring.

I saw you mention on your Tumblr that you could “legally apply for a women’s college.” (But have no intent of doing so.) Does that mean your paperwork says female? And if that’s the case, how do you work around that as a stealth/mostly-stealth transguy?
– cadethedo

My paperwork right now is a mix of damned near everything. Male license and passport, female birth certificate, social security listing, and health insurance, FtM on my GP’s medical records (he’s awesome). Since I’d have to register for school under my SS info (it’s required to match up for FAFSA) I could apply to a women’s college. I’m just not all that interested.

As for stealth, it’s pretty easy. The only time I have to disclose is when an employer runs a background check and then only to the person seeing the paperwork. It does require having some measure of trust in the people you work for so I’m always extra careful about screening potential bosses. I also make it very clear that this is my personal medical information and imply that spreading it around could cause legal problems. It’s not technically true in the vast majority of areas, but I can live with that.

From Formspring (easy one first)

who is the aiden that you are not?

Lol, it’s just a bit of a joke. Damned near every trans guy in the US decides on some variation of Aiden/[Letter] + Aiden (Brayden, Jaiden…) when they go to change their name. It’s to the point where if I meet a guy over the age of about 5 with an ‘Aiden’ name I assume he’s trans (especially if he’s not Irish or it’s spelled ‘Ayedian’ or something).

NOT Aiden refers to both the fact that my name is most definitely something other than Aiden and my not fitting in well with most trans guys. Downside is that names go through cycles and ‘Aiden’ names seem to be on a downswing so in a couple of years the joke won’t make as much sense. Oh well.