I don’t normally “date”.Â I hate being stuck in one place with a guy who I may or may not actually be interested in beyond a quick fuck and I get nervous when cornered.Â If I’m horny I go pick someone up or call one of the guys I have purely sexual arrangements with.Â Boyfriends have almost always managed to happen after I’ve become friends with someone and therefore no longer stutter in their presence.
Sometimes, though, I’ll let friends talk me into dating.Â Normally it’s not so bad.Â Last night was a rather awful exception.Â Guys who are ok with dating trans guys: here is what not to do.
– Don’t insist on talking (loudly) about how much you love drag queens.Â I am not a drag queen.Â In fact, I have very little in common with drag queens other than enjoying their shows.
– Don’t ask (repeatedly) whether or not I have a dick.Â You will find out if I ever decide to sleep with you — something you’ve just made exponentially less likely.
– Along those same lines, don’t ask how big my dick is if I have one.
– Don’t make she-male jokes.
– Don’t say you “really respect trannies”.Â Especially if you can’t appreciate the irony in your own statement.
– Don’t ask about what steps I’ve made in transition.Â One does not usually discuss one’s medical history on a first date.Â You’ll notice that I never asked about your penile lengthening.
– Don’t ask about my “real name”.Â I’ve given you my real name, it’s legal and everything.
– Don’t talk about your “chicks with dicks” fantasy.Â Not only do I not care, it shows that you clearly misunderstood the explanation I gave when accepting the date.
– Do not, under any circumstances, utter the phrase “best of both worlds.”
– Do not say that you’ve always considered yourself “a little bisexual anyway”.
– Do NOT get angry when I push away your attempts at groping me.Â I shouldn’t even have to say this, but apparently you are a moron.
– Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT make some claim about how I should take whatever you’re offering because no one else will want me.Â I don’t give a damn if no one else on the planet wants to come near me, you are still not an option.Â I do not sleep with rude, disrespectful, arrogant bigots who don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves.
(And if that date of mine is reading this he should know that there will soon be a rumour spread about how he’s developed a rash in a rather unfortunate area.Â This is one tranny that you really shouldn’t piss off.)