Well this could be interesting…

I may be getting a new roommate.  Friend is going through a rough patch and needs a place to stay and while I’m broke, I’m not so broke that I’m willing to let someone be homeless when I have a perfectly comfortable couch.

However, this friend does not know I’m trans.  Very few people do these days, it’s how I prefer things.  (To those of you who don’t pass: this CAN be done, but it’s slightly stressful and requires some fast talking.  I suggest it only if you’re 100% sure being out is not an option.)  Now, this causes a few logistical problems.  For one thing, I can’t walk around naked anymore.  If I wasn’t trans I theoretically could because that’s just how my group of friends is (and the new roommate is single and pretty fucking hot).

Beyond that, there are all the issues of figuring out whether to disclose or not.  I probably should just because it’s generally a good idea to tell that sort of thing to people you live with.  This guy is in about eight different gay-men-only groups with me though, I’m not fully sure how he’d take it.  I like to think that I’ve chosen my friends because of their open minds, but as any stealth guy will tell you, it’s not always as simple as being open minded.  If he doesn’t take it well I not only have to deal with his rejection (which would about kill me, I don’t take rejection well), but also the possibility of him telling everyone else in our group.  This area has a severely incestuous gay community, if one person decides to blab then everyone else will know within days.  It’s part of why I’ve avoided dating unless I’m 100% positive the guy in question will be fine with it (often because they’ve dated a transguy in the past — and even then I get the “sorry, no flamers” line which isn’t much better than the “sorry, no vagina” line).

This friend isn’t in the “definitely safe to tell” category.  He’s a bit younger than I am and I’m not fully sure he’s ever even heard of a transman before.  Let alone a gay one.  To him “trans” means “tranny” which means “drag queen who takes it to the next level”.  It’s not that he’s purposely offensive, he just honestly doesn’t know any better.  I feel like he could be ok with it with some basic Trans 101 education, but I’m just so sick of being that person.

Instead I find myself deciding not to tell him.  Which I realise is slightly stupid just from a basic “your roommates should know pertinent health information” standpoint, but I’ve made similarly stupid decisions before.  So now I have to figure out how this is all going to work.

I really don’t need to bind so that’s not a huge issue, especially now that the weather’s cooling down.  Packing is one of the bigger problems, having a phallic object that isn’t hard would be slightly odd so I need to find a place to put it when it’s not in my pants (the dildos, on the other hand, can stay out in the open).  My stupid ovaries still haven’t shut down (getting that checked out soon) so I need a safe place to hide away the “week from hell” supplies.  Just about everyone I know knows that I have a “testosterone deficiency” (my go-to excuse) so injection equipment isn’t too big of a problem.  Mostly it’s just the stuff involving areas below the waist.

It’s frustrating.  If I wasn’t trans I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.  Hell, if I wasn’t trans there’d be a small chance of my getting laid.  That’d be nice.  Instead I have to “visitor-proof” my flat simply because I want to help out a friend.  It’s stupid and I can’t stand it.  I know, I could just be out and then everyone would know.  I’ve done that.  At that point I didn’t have friends I could help out.  No one wants to include the tranny in the gay men’s circle, we’re meant to hang out with the lesbians.  Thank you so much transmen who insist they still belong in the lesbian community.  You’ve really made my life better here.  [/sarcasm]  That, however, is a rant for another day.

3 Replies to “Well this could be interesting…”

  1. Just in case the “week from hell” problem has not ceased to exist, I find the divacup (http://www.divacup.com/)really useful. It’s small and easy to hide away, as well as reusable. It also lets me basically forget about what’s going on for extended periods of time, which I like a lot.

    You can find it at places like Whole Foods. It is necessary to get a little more friendly with your vagina than some ftm guys like to be, as it is inserted. But I think it’s worth it to pretend like my period isn’t happening when it is.

    • Better than expected, actually. I came out, we fooled around a bit, I moved, we’re still close. Turns out he had a friend from childhood who came out as trans so it wasn’t even an issue.

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