I probably should put up a post at some point about how I considered de-transitioning a year or so into starting T, but I can’t find the words.Â Instead you guys are going to get a post about the things that did and didn’t happen when I stopped T during this period.
It was…about six months off.Â Not a huge amount of time, but pretty long considering I’d only been on a year-ish.Â Hudson’s has a T guide that lists what should happen if you stop treatment.Â I’ve found that it is almost entirely wrong compared to what I experienced.
My voice did not stay at the same pitch.Â In fact, it still starts creeping up into the higher registers if I’m late with my shot.Â Now, it never went back to my old soprano either, but there was a decent octave, maybe octave and a half in there that was lost.
My facial hair did disappear.Â Rather, it disappeared in terms of visual sense.Â The hair was there (what little of it I had), but it was no longer dark or rough.Â Instead I’d get long, soft, blond hairs that were different from the normal peach fuzz women and children have, but not enough to really be considered facial hair.Â The growth rate also slowed to where I shaved maybe once a month rather than a few times a week.
Clitoral growth was depressing as fuck.Â I cannot even begin to explain the intense amounts of…almost shame that developed as the effects of T wore off.Â Flaccid state stays the same, my ass.Â The thing shrunk to the point where I almost couldn’t find it!Â This was actually one of the bigger reasons I went back on T, I’m pretty well hung for a trans guy and my ego just couldn’t take the sudden disappearance.
My muscle and fat development shifted about back to pre-T levels which is expected.Â I will say that being slim doesn’t help make the changes any less obvious, at least not to those of us who have to deal with them.Â The ass I didn’t mind so much, I have a good ass off T, but the hip and breast development was enough to freak me out.
I haven’t lost too much hair on T, men in my family have thick hair, but what I did lose started growing back in around month four.Â Not a ton and not enough that I think it’d matter if you were going bald or something, but enough to switch my hair pattern back to female.
Skin, red blood cell count, and body scent all went back to female.Â The lack of acne was nice, but smelling…girly was unpleasant.Â Apparently I also tasted different.Â Wouldn’t know that one from experience.
I know that we talk about T being this life long, permanent change.Â For most guys it is.Â However, I think it’s also important to talk about what happens if you don’t like the effects.Â For a while in there I was terrified of becoming some sort of freak show and everyone saying I’d never be the same again didn’t help.Â Turns out a ton depends on how long you were on T when you stop.Â Stop after a few months and the permanent changes will be minimal, stop after several years and you’ll likely have more things to take care of if you want to be seen as a woman again.Â Either way, it’s not the one-way street we’ve all been told.Â At least, not physically.