Seriously boys, not everyone who turns you down is transphobic

So I went out last night.  It’s not something I do very often these days, work has me busy and I did not inherit the Latino dance gene, but a friend was visiting from out of town so I figured why not.

Apparently pushy little hipster queens were why not.  Don’t get me wrong, the kid was cute, I just wasn’t really looking for a hook up even if he had been my type.  After about 20 minutes of rejecting the guy (I have to admit, that takes decent balls) he shouts “why don’t you fags ever like trannies?!”

Now, I’ve had some interesting things shouted at me over the course of my life.  That was quite possibly the most amusing.  I feel kind of bad because I started laughing and probably turned what was already embarrassing into one of those horror stories we all have from early transition, but it was just so funny.

Let that be a lesson to all of you newly passing guys: don’t assume you’re being rejected for being trans.  Actually, let’s start with don’t insist on pursuing a guy after he explicitly says ‘no’.  Remember high school and “no means no”?  It applies to gay guys too.  I know, there’s all that talk about gay guys being promiscuous and constantly horny.  Often I am horny, that doesn’t mean I want to sleep with everything that moves.  At least, not anymore.  Trust me, you don’t want to be lumped in with the guys I slept with during the early-T days.  They were often unwashed.

As for the trans thing, sometimes a guy just isn’t interested.  We’re allowed to not be interested, you don’t get a free pass on fucking everyone you want just because you’re trans.  Sure, sometimes it is transphobia.  Sometimes guys are assholes.  However, when you’ve been ignored even before you’ve come out you need to assume that it’s something other than transphobia.  Kid could’ve had the world’s biggest penis and I still wouldn’t have been interested.  Why?  Because hipsters aren’t really my type, I like my guys to at least pretend they’re legal, and I was going home with a good friend who also happens to be an amazingly talented bottom.  No guy was getting my attention that night, trans, cis, or otherwise.  Maybe Chris Colfer or Nicky Byrne — and even they would have had to have wanted to join in.

8 Replies to “Seriously boys, not everyone who turns you down is transphobic”

  1. I have been so annoyed by the “transphobic because you reject me” argument too. Why don’t people get that *because* gay men, myself included, are often easy to have, if they say no they really mean no, and it’s not worth while insisting. I mean, gay guys have dated me even before any physical changes, including T, so I don’t think they are transphobic as a group.
    When a transguy insists, I always assume that he has dated lesbians before lol (I’m not saying that it’s ok to insist with lesbians, only that it seems to be a socially accepted behaviour in that community, for whatever reason).

    • Yeah, I don’t get why the assumption is always that a guy is transphobic. I’ve definitely had to deal with a few assholes, I don’t think there’s a gay trans guy who hasn’t, but it’s not always a trans thing. I actually get more crap for being an effeminate top than anything else.

      Haha, I honestly don’t know this guy’s prior sexual activity. For all I know he’d never been on the pursuing end before and was having issues with the learning curve. Either way, it’s really not cool to ignore a flat out refusal. Just ends up irritating people.

  2. I had to google Nicky Byrne cause I didn’t know who he was and lo and behold, he’s like the only boy band member that I’ve ever crushed on (despite the blond hair). Lol. I only knew about him from my british friend in college and I was fascinated by the fact that they could sing and look good doing it. American boy band members are seriously comparatively ugly.

    Back to the subject, though, I laughed when I read this. If only he knew you were trans… maybe he’d have listened to you. Either that, or he thought you were one hot boy and he couldn’t resist getting his heart broken. Hopefully, he’ll learn soon that it’s not all about the trans.

    • I have had such a serious crush on Nicky Byrne since…forever. I was a big soccer fan as a kid and first heard of him when he was a junior player for Leeds…let’s just say the curtains can’t possibly match the carpet.

      (And what is it with the Euro boy banders? WAY hotter than American ones, they’ve clearly got a good training programme.)

      Yeah, I debated coming out to him, but decided it wasn’t worth the risk. I’ve had jilted guys decide to out me before, it’s always such a pain in the ass. Hope he loses the attitude though, he was really rather good looking. Just needs to stop telling people he got in with a fake ID and learn to take “no” for an answer.

  3. Fake ID? Yikes. Doesn’t he know there is a clear marcation between those under 21 and those over 21 and those that dare to pass will only be shot down? At the club I used to go to, they put big X’s on the hands of the under-aged for easy identification on the dance floor – it was very nice to be able to avoid college kids so easily.

    As for outing yourself, yeah, I don’t think that would have helped this kid. He’ll learn soon enough.

    • Under-18, actually, the ID was one of the vertical, under-21 types. I don’t mind younger guys, but legality is a big sticking point for me. I am way too small for jail.

        • Yeah, if it wasn’t for the “omg I have a fake ID” bragging I’d have just assumed he was young looking. I certainly don’t look my age so I tend to be a bit more generous when estimating other people’s. Either way, under 18 is way too young for me, even if it was legal. I don’t feel like having to worry about parents and curfews.

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