While I’m working on a couple of more in depth posts I thought I’d go over the search terms I’m apparently fairly high ranked for, but haven’t actually addressed. Figure if people are going to get here from them I should at least make sure they get information.
when you start taking testosterone ftm will you get wet dreams?
Let’s start off by defining ‘wet dream’. Technically the ‘wet’ part comes from a guy ejaculating while sleeping which isn’t always a part of trans guy orgasm so in that sense, no, you won’t necessarily have wet dreams. General sex dreams during which time you orgasm? Yeah, possibly. Sex dreams without orgasm? Also possible, even likely depending on how your sex drive ends up and whether or not you remember your dreams.  I know I definitely have had my share, but I also had a few pre-T. Just a naturally horny fucker.
what is a gay ftm?
I think I may have covered this in the FAQ (at least, I really hope I did), but since the search didn’t point there for some ridiculous reason I’m going to answer it again. Note that the following are the most basic definitions designed for the hardcore beginner and do not account for every possible identity permutation. FtM: Female to Male trans* person. Generally someone born female who is actually a guy. Gay: In this case, guy who is into guys. So a person who is gay and FtM would be a trans person who identifies as a guy and is sexually/romantically interested in other guys. (Hint in case you’re confused: if this person was not trans they’d probably be considered straight.)
why do transmen wear earrings
Why does anyone wear earrings? Because they bloody well want to. Cis guys wear earrings, why can’t I? I like earrings, they’re fun accessories. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I have to be Rambo or something.
i am ftm transgender, and i want an effeminate voice
This is an interesting one that I wasn’t expecting. Honestly, I don’t think it’s a good idea to force your voice to do anything it doesn’t want to do naturally. Your vocal chords are very sensitive things that are easily hurt. However, there are different speaking patterns that can be read as more feminine/effeminate based on region. For example, in the US it’s very common for people to consider men who don’t speak in a monotone effeminate. Most trans guys end up sounding effeminate by accident because we’ve had social training as girls, but if you’re worried just take all the stuff trans guys say to do to sound masculine and reverse it.
Hm. The voice thing is actually interesting…I’m at a point where I pass well now, and am discovering that I get read pretty consistently as straight, probably mostly because of my voice. I’m wondering how much of stereotypical gay male intonation is natural and how much is acquired.
Most of vocal intonation is socialised, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Listen to little kids right before they learn to form actual words, their baby-babble tends to sound remarkably like conversation because they’ve figured out the tone patterns people around them use. It’s just a matter of who we learned to mimic. That part is a bit harder to figure out because while little girls tending to mimic the women around them could be socialised, it could also be an instinctive. Other animals, including ones without large social structures like humans and apes, do the same thing which leads me to believe that it’s instinct, but this isn’t exactly something I’ve studied in depth. I just read a lot.
Well, I know it’s all socialized; intonation varies dramatically among cultures. It’s just that (many) gay men seem to pick up female-typical intonation.
For some, it’s clearly an automatic process similar to my picking up male-typical gendered behaviour. They talk sort of like girls from early childhood. For others, though, it seems to be acquired later on – I have friends who only began to have a ‘gay accent’ after coming out as adults. And then some never seem to develop it.
As a guy whose natural voice and mannerisms are read as straight, despite having grown up as supposedly female, I just have to wonder if there’s no hope of me ever showing up on the gaydar, or if I might start to pick up the voice/mannerisms now that I’m part of the gay community and seeing them more often in other men.
Gay trans guy here who ALSO is consistently read as straight due to my voice (I think). I’m neither particularly effeminate or masc in terms of presentation and mannerisms. My boyfriend is cis and always assumed to be gay, while he is a male-preferring bisexual, Kinsey 5 approximately.
Last week a girl at a bar we frequent asked me on A DATE even though I am never there without him. She had assumed I was his straight bff.
I was always considered a lesbian prior to transition, but I have never been attracted to straight men OR women and was too miserable with dysphoria to hit on bi guys prior to T and top surgery, let alone gay guys, so I just tried to ignore the occasional lesbian who hit on me. I’d usually express an opinion to piss her off anyway, like how I loved the Smiths and thought ani defranko sounded like she was gargling with lye, or that I thought tits and childbirth were unnecessary.
My main concern now is when ftm bottom surgery will get to where it is for trans women. Im a gay top without the part I need. Prosthetics don’t cut it. I hate the junk I have, have never gotten anything out of it, and won’t use it.
That last search phrase might possibly be by someone who wants to go on T, but keep a high voice (I know that effeminate doesn’t equal high, but the searcher might use them interchangeably).
Then again, maybe I’m projecting my own insecurities — my voice dropped again recently and I wish it hadn’t. I was happier with my 6-months-on-T register, where my voice had a deep resounding quality yet could reach higher notes.
On earrings — my parents got my ears pierced as a kid, so I might as well wear them! (I don’t use earrings yet, but do plan to.)
That’s a fair point and something that hadn’t occurred to me. Which is odd since losing my singing voice was like my biggest fear going on T. If that’s the case…well, as you’ve obviously figured out, none of us gets to pick what T does. Which means I’m still scrawny and your voice dropped lower than you wanted it to. Gotta love puberty.
One thing I have noticed a lot is that many gay/bi men will consciously or unconsciously change their voice and intonation depending on the group they are with. In mixed company (guys/girls/straight/gay) they tend to stay with the more effeminate voice. In a guys only social situation, the effeminate quality is less. And in a straight guys group, I’ve heard the effeminate quality disappear altogether. I have a friend who does just that. I should ask him if it is intentional or automatic.
I’m a cis bi woman and I do the same thing. My intonation, depth of voice, and range of expression vary from group to group. Another factor relies on your kinship (or lack thereof) amongst those present.
This phenomenon is a social tool that is likely widely used. What percentage and which demographics use nuanced intonation? That, I couldn’t tell you. However, it’s definitely something more than men of all stripes take part in.
As an aside, I just discovered your blog a few days ago and have been loving it. Thank you so much for your words and wisdom, Not Aiden.