Oh FFS. You CAN’T tell if someone is trans unless you ask.

Apparently this is “stupid trans questions 101” week here on the blog.  I might have to make a FAQ section or something.

So cispeople: YOU CAN’T TELL IF SOMEONE IS TRANS JUST BY LOOKING.  Seriously, cut that shit out.  The guy you’re looking at could just be short/pretty/slim/whatever.

Even if you think you’re sure someone is trans don’t say anything.  It’s rude.  It reminds us that most people don’t see us for who we are.  Plus, you could be wrong.  There is very little more awkward than mis-gendering someone, you really don’t want to put yourself through that.

What if you just have to know?  Too bad.  Unless you’re going to be sleeping with the person it’s really none of your business.  I don’t go around asking about your junk, don’t ask about mine.  By the same token, if someone comes out to you don’t ask about “the surgery” or anything related to that.  You don’t see me asking about your latest pap smear/rectal exam.

If you absolutely must say something go with “you look great” or “that’s a nice shirt” or some variation thereof.  Everyone likes to be complimented.

2 Replies to “Oh FFS. You CAN’T tell if someone is trans unless you ask.”

  1. Added:

    Dear Transpeople,

    please also stop thinking that *you* can (and should) tell who is trans, not just to find friends, but to see who is deficient, by looking at their thin thumbs, their broad hips or the like. Just stop it, it’s rude, and it bespeaks a low self respect.

    • Oh don’t even get me started on that one. I once had a guy out me in an online community because he believes all transmen should be 100% out to everyone in the world. Jackass. I about strangled him.

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