I’m a MTF teen and I just don’t think that life is worth living for. I can’t tell you just how much I hate myself and how ashamed I feel for being this way. I just hate myself & there is nothing I can do about it. How do you deal with it?

One day at a time. Some days are horrible. Some days are amazing. On the horrible days I remind myself that it’s only one day and there will be others that are better.

I also make sure to remind myself that *there is nothing wrong with being trans*. NOTHING. We cannot help how we were born. I don’t think I can stress that enough. People will tell us that we’re sick or deviant or evil. It is *not true*. We are human beings who happen to have an incongruence between our mental and physical selves. People who have a problem with that are the ones who need to change. Not us. We are just as deserving of love, respect, and all the good things in life as everyone else.

If anyone knows you’re trans and is supportive, talk to them. Let them help. Our friends are often far more willing to help than we think they will be. If no one knows, call an LGBT youth line. People talk about The Trevor Project in terms of suicide prevention all the time, but they don’t mention that staff members are also there to listen to anything teens need to talk about. Call them. If you can’t call they have an online chat for teens who are not suicidal, but may need to talk on Fridays. If you’re outside the US there are international resources too. I don’t know what they are, but I have non-US readers who can leave any help they might have in the comments.

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3 thoughts on “I’m a MTF teen and I just don’t think that life is worth living for. I can’t tell you just how much I hate myself and how ashamed I feel for being this way. I just hate myself & there is nothing I can do about it. How do you deal with it?

    • Are you seeing a therapist? If not that’s something you may want to suggest to your parents. I know, it doesn’t seem like they’d be able to help, but you’d be surprised. For less intense bouts of depression there are coping mechanisms like playing with puppies and exercise (everyone’s are a bit different, those are just the two that work best for me) and for major depression there’s medication. There are also support groups for LGBT teens, the local PFLAG chapter usually has a list of them.

      There is nothing wrong with you. I know, I said it before, but I’m going to keep saying it because it’s important. Nothing wrong with being trans. Nothing wrong with being depressed. They’re both biochemical reactions we can’t prevent. Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is flat out wrong. I don’t care who they are or what they do, if they think there is something wrong with being trans or depressed they are the one with the problem.

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  1. In many EU countries there are services like that for LGBT youth too. If you can’t find one in your area and have access to the internet, you can just email or phone one in another area. In most countries there will be at least one person on the phone who speaks English, so that might even work across borders. Usually, you send an email, and make a telephone date. Then they call you, or you call them, maybe use skype if there is problems with money. Just talking to people who are trans too makes a huge difference. And you can always phone again.

    Another thing when dealing with emotional crisis: try to find out if there are moments or days that are (somewhat) ok. What makes these days different? Was there a special event? Did you sleep or eat or exercise more/less than usual? How was your hormonal level? (in case you are pre-transitioning ftm) etc Try to learn more about yourself and see if you can influence how you feel a bit. I sometimes write down which things make me feel better and when I’m in a bad space, I will do them all until I start to feel an improvement. At the very least that keeps me busy, and I might end up having fun 😉
    As NA mentioned, walking dogs is a scientifically proven, free method to keep people from being depressed (no kidding). You get regular sunlight, physical contact with a living, furry creature, and dogs are generally funny, so that they might distract you from yourself for a while (cats don’t work).

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