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FILL A NICHE. Thinking about my sex/romantic image like advertising, creating a look that fit in with my body and sex interests. since i am subby and like getting fucked in my pussy, I made the pussy an advantage.. I found a target group of men who liked fantasies about fucking eunuchs, I started writing free erotica on their site about hot bottoms with pussies and they loved it…. ppl were emailing me as an author, asking for stories. Then when I saw there was a need I put up a personal and pics, and about what kind of man I was looking for. I didnt use the words trans or ftm in my byline, but I made it clear. I also went to certain male sex clubs in nothing but boots and sunglasses. Trust me, I had my pick. You have to find the audience who will fit with what you are and want.

EXPERIENCE HELPS. I think it also helped that I used to be a hot straight girl. I know how to get a man and hold his attention. I know how to be an object of desire, even being a man. I feel very confident with men romantically and sexually. I know how to get what I want from them, and I know how to tell them what I want. Honestly, if you are a bottom and esp if you like men slightly older than you, reeling them in is not much different than it was. Even when I top I found this sense of confidence useful. If you never did this as a “girl”, or were a lesbian, I suggest hanging out at gay bars and passing for young and letting men buy you drinks, with the plan to NOT GO HOME WITH ANYONE. Go home alone at about 1am at the latest. Turn down everyone, if you like them get a #. Getting compliments and free drinks builds confidence. Men can tell if youre intimidated.

WHAT ARE YOUR ASSETS. It helps I was very male looking and good looking. But I’m not perfect. For instance I have to work to be in shape, and Im not thin at all. But I have a bubble but, and I think thats hot. I have great features and eyes. Maybe you have muscles, or nice legs or a sexy voice. Maybe your loaded and have that sort if wealthy man intimidating attraction. Play it up. If you are worried about “passing” I recommend waiting longer to throw yourself into the vipers pit. Unless you dont plan to medically transition.

CONFIDENCE. This is playful and assertive and sort of come across as too confident to recognize an insult. People insult you to chip your confidence. If some guy says to me “your ass is kinda girly” I say “Thanks.” and smile as if he meant it as a compliment- do I know? Who cares, I think its a great ass, so I’ll take it as one. If they say it because I told them I was trans I say “yea, men have always loved my ass, Im glad I got to keep it.” I see the “girly” parts of me as things that make me more sexually appetizing and unique.

WIT. When a guy says “why didnt you stay a woman” out of innocence, I lean close, touch him somewhere almost indecent, and say “And miss out on all this? Why would I want to do that” or “Oh, I make a *Terrible* woman, really” and shake my head as if he’s said something silly. I spent nights just coming up with lines.

COMFORT WITH SELF . I am comfortable with my body and men can tell. I wasnt at first- i was younger and hotter, but I wasnt comfortable, and people were sometimes jerks to me and I didnt get alot of phone #s. After I did work on how I feel about my body and who I am, this changed. For me, it was about realizing I actually enjoyed my pussy and didnt want surgery after all- I just wanted someone who enjoyed it as much as me. I know who I am, and I feel good about myself and who I am and I think Im worth alot both because of my personality qualities and my physical ones- I dont mean in a vain or conceited way but its important because ppl can tell and it makes you more attractive.

KNOW YOUR BOUNDARIES. And maintain them. Decide ahead what you will put up with and when it happens, cut the bitch loose.

ALWAYS BE WILLING TO WALK AWAY. In the beginning (not from a boyfriend). When you meet someone, don’t be clingy. Have fun talking to other guys and enjoy yourself, without the plan to get laid or get a date. When you plan to go home with someone the disclosure convo is looming and intimidating. But when you plan to go home alone its very liberating. You are safe, and they dont know why your so hard to get in bed. They just know you value yourself.

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Wonder why this is, from a psychological standpoint?

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It’s a very American thing to label and stereotype those different than oneself. Quite ignorant too, I might add.

Would go into a detailed explanation of how and why this came to be, and my personal opinions on this but.. it’s rather unrelated to the topic.

Figured I’d throw my two cents in, TMYK.
Apologies if this upsets/infuriates anyone. I did not mean for it to do so.

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That being said, you may have more luck with say a granola, vegan feel good guy instead of one who is out clubbing and hooking up left and right. His priorities aren’t going to be finding a good man.

I can’t vouch for being an effeminate top: I’m extremely masculine, so I can tell you masculinity goes a long ways. Being ideally male proportioned doesn’t hurt either: many transmen simply do not look like biological men. Their bone and skull structure simply look different (How many 5’2″ bio guys do you know?). I wouldn’t blame your woes exclusively on being trans, I know a hot switch who is an effeminate ftm and he is *never* turned down. Of course he screens guys well and is very good-looking.

I guess your deck of cards really do affect the game you can play.

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