Dear “Allies”,

Virtually every trans related blog in the world has some version of this already, but just in case you missed the memo:

– Saying that you support trans rights while also claiming that we’re not “real” men or women is contradictory.
– Saying that you have no problem with trans people…as long as your child isn’t one is bullshit.
– Saying that you aren’t transphobic because you have a gay hairdresser is flat out ridiculous.
– Saying that you love FtMs, after all, you once dated a butch lesbian is missing the goddamned point.
– Saying that you have a place for trans people…away from everyone else is cruel.

– Calling a trans man “she” is incorrect (not to mention rude).
– Calling a binary identified trans person “zie”, “sie”, or “they” is a nice try, but still wrong.
– Calling a gay guy who dates trans men straight is misidentifying everyone involved.
– Calling a gay trans guy “confused” is just as bad as if the guy in question wasn’t trans.
– Calling all trans guys “butch” is ignoring a small, but significant portion of the population.

– Using trans people to show that you’re cool/edgy/accepting is juvenile.
– Using trans people to get a rise out of people is wrong and pretty pathetic.
– Using trans people to further your own agenda is failing to recognise that we are people, not lab rats.
– Using trans people to show that LGB people are “normal” is unacceptable.
– Using trans people to test out your sexuality is just plain mean.

– It is not polite to ask about “the surgery”.
– It is not polite to ask about our birth names.
– It is not polite to say that you “had a hunch”.
– It is not polite to say that we were “such a pretty girl/handsome boy”.
– It is not polite to assume that we will become your personal trans* encyclopaedia.

– You do not get bonus points for using the right pronouns.
– You do not get bonus points for being respectful.
– You do not get bonus points for accepting us as who we are.
– You do not get bonus points for recognising that there is more to us than our genitalia.
– You do not get bonus points for simply treating us like any other human being.

Most ‘allies’ (I really dislike that word) don’t need to be told this. Most of you are pretty awesome and understand basic courtesy. However, there are a fair few who are in desperate need of tips from Miss Manners. With any luck this will help.

3 Replies to “Dear “Allies”,”

  1. Pingback: Dear “Allies”, « Let the Moose Run. Eat Some Blueberries.

  2. I can’t hit the “like” button on this enough. I was literally smiling and clapping like a complete dork as I read down this list. I just found your blog tonight and have been sitting here reading the entire thing. Just…amazing.

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