Comments for Not Another Aiden http://notanotheraiden.com Life of A Non-Standard Gay (trans)Guy Fri, 04 May 2012 23:30:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 Comment on Trans Service Dog Handler by notaiden http://notanotheraiden.com/trans-service-dog-handler/#comment-21942 notaiden Fri, 04 May 2012 23:30:43 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=427#comment-21942 Blech, I'm sorry, this somehow got tossed to my spam. (I really need to check that more often.) As for tips...I honestly don't know. I've been working on my coping skills for years and I still have dissociative episodes on occasion. The only thing that's helped me is my dog. She can't fix everything (she's a dog, not a nursemaid), but I at least don't have to worry about leaving my house and wandering into the street because my brain decided it hates me. Other than that it's a matter of learning my triggers and trying to avoid them. Which isn't always possible so it's frustrating. Blech, I’m sorry, this somehow got tossed to my spam. (I really need to check that more often.)

As for tips…I honestly don’t know. I’ve been working on my coping skills for years and I still have dissociative episodes on occasion. The only thing that’s helped me is my dog. She can’t fix everything (she’s a dog, not a nursemaid), but I at least don’t have to worry about leaving my house and wandering into the street because my brain decided it hates me. Other than that it’s a matter of learning my triggers and trying to avoid them. Which isn’t always possible so it’s frustrating.

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]]> Comment on Guest Post: Advice to newly out gay trans men by notaiden http://notanotheraiden.com/guest-post-advice-to-newly-out-gay-trans-men/#comment-21941 notaiden Fri, 04 May 2012 23:27:24 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=192#comment-21941 First off, this was a collaborative effort from a number of guys based on experiences in a wide variety of countries and settings. I don't remember who came up with that particular one, but I'm not going to pretend like everywhere in the world is as enlightened as the most liberal locations (which aren't particularly liberal, to be honest). Second, TRANS MEN DON'T HATE BEING WOMEN. Trans men <strong>aren't</strong> women, plain and simple. Go read a Trans 101 primer and get back to me. First off, this was a collaborative effort from a number of guys based on experiences in a wide variety of countries and settings. I don’t remember who came up with that particular one, but I’m not going to pretend like everywhere in the world is as enlightened as the most liberal locations (which aren’t particularly liberal, to be honest).

Second, TRANS MEN DON’T HATE BEING WOMEN. Trans men aren’t women, plain and simple. Go read a Trans 101 primer and get back to me.

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]]> Comment on FAQ: Gay Men and Gay FtMs Redux by notaiden http://notanotheraiden.com/faq-gay-men-and-gay-ftms-redux/#comment-21940 notaiden Fri, 04 May 2012 23:24:15 +0000 http://notanotheraiden.com/?p=467#comment-21940 Not as much as you'd think. First off, it requires finding a bisexual man you're attracted to which I've never managed to do. Rather, none of the men I've been attracted to long enough to find out their sexual orientation have been bi. I could very well have oogled more than a few bi/pan guys without realising. Then you get into issues of body and identity. For some guys the fear of being seen as 'the best of both worlds' or something other than 100% man is too great to be able to comfortably date bi guys. I had that issue for a long time. There are bi guys who reinforce this by making comments that I'm sure are intended to be flattering, but end up just being painful. On the other side, there are bi guys who refuse to date trans people <em>because</em> of the idea that we're 'both'. The whole "if I wanted to date a man I'd find a REAL one" problem. I've heard of that less than the first, but that doesn't really help matters when you're being rejected. So while dating bi guys is a great solution for some people, it certainly isn't a sure thing. Not as much as you’d think. First off, it requires finding a bisexual man you’re attracted to which I’ve never managed to do. Rather, none of the men I’ve been attracted to long enough to find out their sexual orientation have been bi. I could very well have oogled more than a few bi/pan guys without realising.

Then you get into issues of body and identity. For some guys the fear of being seen as ‘the best of both worlds’ or something other than 100% man is too great to be able to comfortably date bi guys. I had that issue for a long time. There are bi guys who reinforce this by making comments that I’m sure are intended to be flattering, but end up just being painful. On the other side, there are bi guys who refuse to date trans people because of the idea that we’re ‘both’. The whole “if I wanted to date a man I’d find a REAL one” problem. I’ve heard of that less than the first, but that doesn’t really help matters when you’re being rejected. So while dating bi guys is a great solution for some people, it certainly isn’t a sure thing.

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]]> Comment on FAQ: Gay Men and Gay FtMs Redux by mogos http://notanotheraiden.com/faq-gay-men-and-gay-ftms-redux/#comment-21936 mogos Fri, 04 May 2012 22:40:17 +0000 http://notanotheraiden.com/?p=467#comment-21936 Could it be that the answer lies in bisexual men? I am bisexual and love straight sex but when i am with men I prefer to bottom exclusively, I also love being passive to a woman with a strapon. If i met a ftm top, I would gladly be exlusively bottom, no different than meeting a bio male gay top or a strapon woman. In fact a ftm top has a big advantage over a bio male, you don't have to recover :) Could it be that the answer lies in bisexual men?

I am bisexual and love straight sex but when i am with men I prefer to bottom exclusively, I also love being passive to a woman with a strapon. If i met a ftm top, I would gladly be exlusively bottom, no different than meeting a bio male gay top or a strapon woman.

In fact a ftm top has a big advantage over a bio male, you don’t have to recover :)

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]]> Comment on Guest Post: Advice to newly out gay trans men by Nice http://notanotheraiden.com/guest-post-advice-to-newly-out-gay-trans-men/#comment-21324 Nice Tue, 01 May 2012 07:29:28 +0000 http://trans.kolyafloit.com/?p=192#comment-21324 nice misogyny "Remember that gay men are independent and much less group-oriented than women/lesbians are. Men don’t control each other the way women do." Just because YOU hate being a girl doesn't mean you need to take it out on women nice misogyny
“Remember that gay men are independent and much less group-oriented than women/lesbians are. Men don’t control each other the way women do.”
Just because YOU hate being a girl doesn’t mean you need to take it out on women

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]]> Comment on Passing for the effeminate trans guy by David http://notanotheraiden.com/passing-for-the-effeminate-trans-guy/#comment-19613 David Fri, 20 Apr 2012 07:15:40 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=359#comment-19613 hey some of that is really good advise for anybody. America has its own culture, telling a boy to grow up to become "a real man" you must wear, act, say, like...example:be John Wayne. Heck, he wasn't even like the movie cowboy image! spit, wear stained tshirts until they are so holey they look like a hobos, drink only beer, watch sports on tv, drive a real truck or fast car, and don't cry or eat a salad. teen girls sure fall into media and peer pressure to fit in. cookie cutter. brand names and emulate pop stars: be blond, paint long fake nails, wear a shade of pink, wear makeup, don't burp or eat much. a confident adult does not really have to copy everything a book or another person tells them. a real person likes what they like. i never liked trying to fit in, why obey now? hey some of that is really good advise for anybody. America has its own culture, telling a boy to grow up to become “a real man” you must wear, act, say, like…example:be John Wayne. Heck, he wasn’t even like the movie cowboy image! spit, wear stained tshirts until they are so holey they look like a hobos, drink only beer, watch sports on tv, drive a real truck or fast car, and don’t cry or eat a salad.

teen girls sure fall into media and peer pressure to fit in. cookie cutter. brand names and emulate pop stars: be blond, paint long fake nails, wear a shade of pink, wear makeup, don’t burp or eat much.

a confident adult does not really have to copy everything a book or another person tells them. a real person likes what they like. i never liked trying to fit in, why obey now?

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]]> Comment on Why cis men like trans men by Tommy http://notanotheraiden.com/why-cis-men-like-trans-men/#comment-16384 Tommy Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:47:23 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=330#comment-16384 Not exactly straight, but I'm bi and I probably would bottom for the right girl. But probably not in the front hole because that'd be triggering. But I'm also pre-T so idk if that'd change afterwards. Not exactly straight, but I’m bi and I probably would bottom for the right girl. But probably not in the front hole because that’d be triggering. But I’m also pre-T so idk if that’d change afterwards.

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]]> Comment on Trans Service Dog Handler by tervicz http://notanotheraiden.com/trans-service-dog-handler/#comment-15900 tervicz Sun, 25 Mar 2012 18:25:13 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=427#comment-15900 So, I just wanted to ask if you kind of, have any tips for one who is dissociative and doesn't get along with his life? I wouldn't really know what to tell you about me, I never found anyone to ask for advice before ^^ I have depressions and only discovered today I'm dissociative again. I'm terrified about telling my therapist, because regarding the law in our country, having mpd I probably will start T in a minimal 10 years if I'm LUCKY. Those episodes went away after I came out to myself as trans and gay, but are back now... I don't really know the reason. I'm quite desperate and don't know who to talk to. So... yeah. I'm grateful for any advice...^^ thank you... So, I just wanted to ask if you kind of, have any tips for one who is dissociative and doesn’t get along with his life?

I wouldn’t really know what to tell you about me, I never found anyone to ask for advice before ^^ I have depressions and only discovered today I’m dissociative again. I’m terrified about telling my therapist, because regarding the law in our country, having mpd I probably will start T in a minimal 10 years if I’m LUCKY.

Those episodes went away after I came out to myself as trans and gay, but are back now… I don’t really know the reason. I’m quite desperate and don’t know who to talk to. So… yeah. I’m grateful for any advice…^^ thank you…

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]]> Comment on Trans Pride vs Gay Pride by Harper http://notanotheraiden.com/trans-pride-vs-gay-pride/#comment-12536 Harper Thu, 08 Mar 2012 01:22:38 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=422#comment-12536 Thanks for all these posts. I have been trying to tease this issue out for myself. I had a conversation sometime last year and I was trying to articulate why, despite being FTM, I did not feel like I fit with the GBLTQ community. All I could say is that I’m straight and have no reason to have pride in the gay community (aside from merely appreciating someone else’s journey). I just can’t articulate the difference of WHY I don’t feel like the T belongs in the GBLTQ community. On a very basic level of course one has significant “immutable” physical aspects to it, while the other has no such implication. I just don’t see the relation between being Trans and being straight, queer, or anything in-between as having any kind of common ground except under the broad umbrella of some kind of gender non-conformity. If anyone can articulate it I would be grateful. Thanks for all these posts. I have been trying to tease this issue out for myself. I had a conversation sometime last year and I was trying to articulate why, despite being FTM, I did not feel like I fit with the GBLTQ community. All I could say is that I’m straight and have no reason to have pride in the gay community (aside from merely appreciating someone else’s journey). I just can’t articulate the difference of WHY I don’t feel like the T belongs in the GBLTQ community. On a very basic level of course one has significant “immutable” physical aspects to it, while the other has no such implication. I just don’t see the relation between being Trans and being straight, queer, or anything in-between as having any kind of common ground except under the broad umbrella of some kind of gender non-conformity.
If anyone can articulate it I would be grateful.

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]]> Comment on Passing for the effeminate trans guy by Lex http://notanotheraiden.com/passing-for-the-effeminate-trans-guy/#comment-12256 Lex Mon, 05 Mar 2012 20:19:24 +0000 http://www.notanotheraiden.com/?p=359#comment-12256 Thanks very much for these. Not in the US, but I reckon the tips will be useful all the same. And I have to say that as long as we're fighting with each other within our own community, nothing is getting accomplished and the only thing it's doing is hurting people further. Its fine if you want to offer advice for people, because probably the only ones who will take your advice are the ones who want to take it. It's when you start enforcing "rules" on "how to be a proper transguy" and saying s**t like people aren't really trans unless they act a certain way and follow the rules and all aim to have the same, monolithic "trans experience" (which is a myth in itself). I think people should just let others get on with their own lives the way they want to without feeling entitled to butt in and say "you're doing it wrong" or invalidate that person's identity because they don't ascribe to what that person thinks is a "real" trans person. Thanks very much for these. Not in the US, but I reckon the tips will be useful all the same. And I have to say that as long as we’re fighting with each other within our own community, nothing is getting accomplished and the only thing it’s doing is hurting people further. Its fine if you want to offer advice for people, because probably the only ones who will take your advice are the ones who want to take it. It’s when you start enforcing “rules” on “how to be a proper transguy” and saying s**t like people aren’t really trans unless they act a certain way and follow the rules and all aim to have the same, monolithic “trans experience” (which is a myth in itself). I think people should just let others get on with their own lives the way they want to without feeling entitled to butt in and say “you’re doing it wrong” or invalidate that person’s identity because they don’t ascribe to what that person thinks is a “real” trans person.

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