Quick Note to Everyone

I never thought I’d have to do this, but apparently some people think they can support me and white supremacists at the same time.  Well, you can’t.  Not because I say so.  Not because I think white supremacists are abhorrent.  Because I am a gay, trans, Mexican Jew.  My grandmother was an undocumented immigrant who worked as a coyote to make ends meet and only gained citizenship due to the 1986 Simpson-Mazzoli Act.  I am everything white supremacists hate.  I am amongst the first people likely to be rounded up in a world where white supremacists rule.

So even if you agree with my complete lack of patience for the overall trans community, even if you identify more as transsexual than transgender the way I do, even if you agree with literally every single thing I say, you still cannot support both me and white supremacy.  Because the ultimate goal of white supremacy is for me and people like me to be dead.

 

I’m a MTF teen and I just don’t think that life is worth living for. I can’t tell you just how much I hate myself and how ashamed I feel for being this way. I just hate myself & there is nothing I can do about it. How do you deal with it?

One day at a time. Some days are horrible. Some days are amazing. On the horrible days I remind myself that it’s only one day and there will be others that are better.

I also make sure to remind myself that *there is nothing wrong with being trans*. NOTHING. We cannot help how we were born. I don’t think I can stress that enough. People will tell us that we’re sick or deviant or evil. It is *not true*. We are human beings who happen to have an incongruence between our mental and physical selves. People who have a problem with that are the ones who need to change. Not us. We are just as deserving of love, respect, and all the good things in life as everyone else.

If anyone knows you’re trans and is supportive, talk to them. Let them help. Our friends are often far more willing to help than we think they will be. If no one knows, call an LGBT youth line. People talk about The Trevor Project in terms of suicide prevention all the time, but they don’t mention that staff members are also there to listen to anything teens need to talk about. Call them. If you can’t call they have an online chat for teens who are not suicidal, but may need to talk on Fridays. If you’re outside the US there are international resources too. I don’t know what they are, but I have non-US readers who can leave any help they might have in the comments.

Ask me anything

What would you do if you thought that someone might threaten to out you because of a disagreement between the two of you?

I honestly have no idea. I’ve had guys out me before because of their own political ideology and it’s awful. I’d probably deny it. I don’t like lying, but if I could get away with it I would. It’s more important to me to be seen as just another guy by my larger community than it is to be 100% honest.

Ask me anything

What NOT to do when you’ve asked out a trans guy

I don’t normally “date”.  I hate being stuck in one place with a guy who I may or may not actually be interested in beyond a quick fuck and I get nervous when cornered.  If I’m horny I go pick someone up or call one of the guys I have purely sexual arrangements with.  Boyfriends have almost always managed to happen after I’ve become friends with someone and therefore no longer stutter in their presence.

Sometimes, though, I’ll let friends talk me into dating.  Normally it’s not so bad.  Last night was a rather awful exception.  Guys who are ok with dating trans guys: here is what not to do.

– Don’t insist on talking (loudly) about how much you love drag queens.  I am not a drag queen.  In fact, I have very little in common with drag queens other than enjoying their shows.

– Don’t ask (repeatedly) whether or not I have a dick.  You will find out if I ever decide to sleep with you — something you’ve just made exponentially less likely.

– Along those same lines, don’t ask how big my dick is if I have one.

– Don’t make she-male jokes.

– Don’t say you “really respect trannies”.  Especially if you can’t appreciate the irony in your own statement.

– Don’t ask about what steps I’ve made in transition.  One does not usually discuss one’s medical history on a first date.  You’ll notice that I never asked about your penile lengthening.

– Don’t ask about my “real name”.  I’ve given you my real name, it’s legal and everything.

– Don’t talk about your “chicks with dicks” fantasy.  Not only do I not care, it shows that you clearly misunderstood the explanation I gave when accepting the date.

– Do not, under any circumstances, utter the phrase “best of both worlds.”

– Do not say that you’ve always considered yourself “a little bisexual anyway”.

– Do NOT get angry when I push away your attempts at groping me.  I shouldn’t even have to say this, but apparently you are a moron.

– Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT make some claim about how I should take whatever you’re offering because no one else will want me.  I don’t give a damn if no one else on the planet wants to come near me, you are still not an option.  I do not sleep with rude, disrespectful, arrogant bigots who don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves.

(And if that date of mine is reading this he should know that there will soon be a rumour spread about how he’s developed a rash in a rather unfortunate area.  This is one tranny that you really shouldn’t piss off.)

Guest Post: It’s the little things

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is run my fingers through my belly fur. This may seem odd, but feeling the long curly strands against my slightly rounded belly is one of my favorite sensations. The rest of me is quite hairless – you can barely see the hair on my arms and my beard hair is practically non-existent. Even my eyebrows are lacking – they only extend half the normal length and my eyelashes sadly match. My legs are slightly hairy and the hair on my head is slowly disappearing, albeit much faster this past year. My belly hair is at least five times thicker than any other part of my body, save my special bits. When people comment on my general hairlessness, which happens quite often, I lift up my shirt to show them my treasure. I love the squeals it elicits. Some say it’s too much, that I should shave it because it doesn’t match the rest of my body and a part of me agrees. Symmetry is important, but I can’t bear to lose something I waited and worked so hard for. Had I been born with the male body my brain imagines when I close my eyes, I most likely would be trimming it so as not to unduly surprise my lovers. When I started transitioning seven years ago, I prayed that it would make me hairy, or at least make my eyebrows whole. I’ve been sorely disappointed in that department, so every time I long for more hair on the rest of my body, I put my hands under my shirt, rub them around and breathe a sigh of relief. It may not seem like much to you, but it’s the best feeling I know.

Bio: Kian is a gay trans man living in New Hampshire. He currently enjoys politics, gardening and activism.

Requisite disclaimer: All opinions expressed in guest posts are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of NotAiden.

Guest Bloggers!

On Thursday Not Another Aiden will be hosting its very first guest blogger.  Since this is new to…well, everyone, I want to get a few things out there.

First of all, be nice.  I don’t monitor commenting on here very much because I honestly don’t care if people disagree.  We’re not all always going to have the same opinions and I think that’s a good thing.  Makes for a more interesting world.  However, I draw the line at personal attacks and bigotry.  I’ve never had to delete a comment on this blog so I’m not too worried, but I thought I’d make sure the rules are clear.

Second, this is not a safe space.  Not in the sense that most trans* groups use.  There will be times that we disagree.  Hell, there are a couple of potential guest bloggers that I disagree with.  Sometimes a controversial opinion might be expressed (I tend to do that by accident).  I’m not going to censor or otherwise edit people’s posts/comments unless they cross the lines stated above.  I suggest that if you disagree with someone you find a way to either debate them over to your side or agree to disagree.  Or ignore them/me.  That can work, even if it does mean less commenting.

Finally, if you’d like to guest blog send me an email (notaiden(@)gmail(.)com) with an idea.  It needs to be related somehow, but other than that I don’t have much in the way of guidelines.  I will not publish anything that is hateful.  I will not publish anything that could be found via Google.  I prefer not to publish anything that is specific to masculine trans guys because every other blog on the internet is for them.  If the post is amazingly good I might make an exception.  Maybe.  Make sure that when you send me a piece it is your final draft because I won’t edit it.  I’ll read it to make sure it doesn’t go against my rules, other than that it’s all you.

Blog will be down.

I’m sorry about this lads, but the entire site will be down between the 9th and the 20th.  For anyone who doesn’t know, I don’t actually own the domain or webspace, a friend of mine does.  Normally we split the costs with another guy, but he backed out last minute and neither of us can afford to cover him.  With any luck the site will be back up as soon as I get paid, I’m backing it all up as I type this.

Sorry about the down time, it shouldn’t happen again.