So, as anyone who has managed to stay following this blog over the years knows, I no longer post all that often. Once a year is a pretty big deal at this point. Part of that is because I’m well past the point in my life where I think about being trans very often. I’m heading toward fifteen years on, I can’t remember the last time I went to a trans group, being trans is kind of just background noise. It’s relevant, yes, but it’s not a focal point.
The other part is that I’m not entirely sure what to post. Trans blogs and the trans (and queer, really) community in general are heavily coming out focused. There’s not a whole lot out there for what to do once you’re already out. That’s partially for the same reason I no longer post much, the longer you’re out the less it tends to matter, but I think it’s also a little because no one knows what to say. It’s easy to give binder recommendations or talk about starting T. Everyone’s excited about that first shot, everyone’s nervous about coming out. These are topics we’re all comfortable and familiar with. It’s harder to talk about never quite getting past dysphoria or being frustrated about having been on T for years without fully passing (yeah, that’s me, I’m unlucky). Those things are depressing, but they’re also somehow things we don’t consciously think of. Probably in part because of how depressing they are.
I think there is a need for a “what now?” side of the community though. In particular for those of us with crap genetics who are still trying to deal with passing issues several years on. In recent years I’ve started looking at being trans a lot like how I look at my depression: something that isn’t going away and that I therefore need to learn how to live with long term. Ideally with healthy coping mechanisms rather than being cranky all the time.
Issue is, I still don’t know what to post. I know I want to put together a post on how I’ve learnt to deal with dysphoria/not passing long term, but other than that I’ve got nothing. So if anyone is actually still reading this and has something I’ve not covered (or that might need to be covered again given how much has changed since I came out), drop a comment. I can’t guarantee I’ll get to it quickly, I’m currently back in school and taking an insane course load, but with summer coming up I’ll have some free time.
The forum got hacked and was sending out mass emails that caused the entire site to get suspended. I have removed the forum for the time being. It may go back up in the future, but at the moment I can’t seem to remember to check it for spam regularly so it clearly was not of much use.
I’ve also updated the wordpress installation. As you can see, that’s messed up the formatting of a few posts. I’m hoping to get to most of them tonight, but it may take a day or two to get everything back in order.
I would like to thank whoever it was that messaged me to tell me the site was down. In the future, if something like that happens the best way to contact me is through an ask at the notaiden.tumblr.com account. I can also be emailed at email@example.com.
Site and forums are back and functional. Have a few ideas for posts that will hopefully go up fairly soon, assuming my brain decides to cooperate.
Would, uh, the person who made the search like to clarify?Â Can drop an anonymous ask over at my Tumblr or Formspring if you like.Â It’s just a term that hasn’t come up yet and since I’m the #1 hit I figured there should probably be something useful here.
I know, I’ve been awful about updating lately.Â Problem is, I have no idea what to post about.Â Being trans is even less a part of my life than it was back when I started the blog.Â I’ve done most of the 101 type stuff already so I’m a bit stuck on what to do next.
Since I’m not the one who actually reads this I figured I’d ask.Â Anything you guys want to hear about?
See, this is what happens when I don’t pay attention to things.Â My hosting’s due for renewal and there are some issues that are in the process of being resolved.Â Site’s due to go down the 25th though so with the holiday I’m not sure I’ll be able to get them sorted without a break.Â If it does go down it should be back up within a week.Â I’m due overseas for about two weeks after that so here’s hoping it doesn’t take too long.Â Check the Tumblr for updates if that happens.
1: This is not a trans only space.Â I welcome — even encourage — cis people to read and learn more about [trans] gay guys.Â Cis people can read, comment, and otherwise engage with the blog the same way trans people can.Â Actually, I value what little input I get from cis gay guys who’ve dated trans gay guys.Â It’s rare that we can find communities like straight trans men and their cis partners have.
2: I flat out will not tolerate anti-cis bias.Â Just like I can’t help being born trans, they can’t help being born cis.Â Yes, sometimes a cis person will make a stupid comment or not know the right word for something.Â That is no reason to be an asshole.Â Everyone makes mistakes, just correct it (politely) and move on.
3: I don’t base the entire blog around not offending anyone.Â I don’t nitpick every single word and argue over the semantics rather than the point.Â If you’re the type of person who enjoys doing such things I suggest leaving.Â You’ll only get your undies in a twist and I’m not likely to be interested enough to sort you out.
4: I try to avoid discussing things that I have no experience with.Â This means you won’t hear much about trans women or genderqueer identified people on here except as they concern trans men.Â Hell, you’re not even going to read much about straight trans guys or masculine trans guys because the blog is largely for (and entirely by) gay, effeminate men who happen to be trans.Â If that bothers you you can start your own blog.Â This one is mine.
5: You don’t have to read this.Â Honestly people, this is the very basis of free speech.Â I have a right to say what I wish and you have a right to ignore me.Â You also have a right to argue with me, but if you do so in a way that is hateful I can — and will — pretend you don’t exist.Â I don’t mind disagreement, it often helps me clarify my own views, I only ask that everyone be respectful as they debate.Â We may still disagree, that’s one of the cool things about living in a free society, but with any luck we’ll at least come away with a better understanding of each other’s opinion.
I like your blog. Why don’t you update it more often?
I had kind of a busy couple of months. With any luck I’ll be able to get back to updating regularly.
First I have work, then I have to fumigate my apartment (note: always trust your instinct when it comes to pet-sitters), then my ISP decides to turn into evil incarnate, I’m amazed there are actually still hits on here!
I still have comments I need to get to so if there’s anything major anyone’d like me to know hit me up on e-mail (notaiden[at]gmail[dot]com). For now here’s a question from the Formspring.
I saw you mention on your Tumblr that you could “legally apply for a women’s college.” (But have no intent of doing so.) Does that mean your paperwork says female? And if that’s the case, how do you work around that as a stealth/mostly-stealth transguy?
My paperwork right now is a mix of damned near everything. Male license and passport, female birth certificate, social security listing, and health insurance, FtM on my GP’s medical records (he’s awesome). Since I’d have to register for school under my SS info (it’s required to match up for FAFSA) I could apply to a women’s college. I’m just not all that interested.
As for stealth, it’s pretty easy. The only time I have to disclose is when an employer runs a background check and then only to the person seeing the paperwork. It does require having some measure of trust in the people you work for so I’m always extra careful about screening potential bosses. I also make it very clear that this is my personal medical information and imply that spreading it around could cause legal problems. It’s not technically true in the vast majority of areas, but I can live with that.
I should’ve double checked, my bad.Â Don’t really have time to rewrite all the posts right now, but there are a few questions in the formspring queue that you’ll be getting in a minute.Â Just wanted to let everyone know that I didn’t forget about the blog, it’s just…June.