Forum Down

The forum got hacked and was sending out mass emails that caused the entire site to get suspended.  I have removed the forum for the time being.  It may go back up in the future, but at the moment I can’t seem to remember to check it for spam regularly so it clearly was not of much use.

I’ve also updated the wordpress installation.  As you can see, that’s messed up the formatting of a few posts.  I’m hoping to get to most of them tonight, but it may take a day or two to get everything back in order.

I would like to thank whoever it was that messaged me to tell me the site was down.  In the future, if something like that happens the best way to contact me is through an ask at the account.  I can also be emailed at


I know, I’ve been awful about updating lately.  Problem is, I have no idea what to post about.  Being trans is even less a part of my life than it was back when I started the blog.  I’ve done most of the 101 type stuff already so I’m a bit stuck on what to do next.

Since I’m not the one who actually reads this I figured I’d ask.  Anything you guys want to hear about?

More Possible Downtime

See, this is what happens when I don’t pay attention to things.  My hosting’s due for renewal and there are some issues that are in the process of being resolved.  Site’s due to go down the 25th though so with the holiday I’m not sure I’ll be able to get them sorted without a break.  If it does go down it should be back up within a week.  I’m due overseas for about two weeks after that so here’s hoping it doesn’t take too long.  Check the Tumblr for updates if that happens.

Let’s get a few things clear

1: This is not a trans only space.  I welcome — even encourage — cis people to read and learn more about [trans] gay guys.  Cis people can read, comment, and otherwise engage with the blog the same way trans people can.  Actually, I value what little input I get from cis gay guys who’ve dated trans gay guys.  It’s rare that we can find communities like straight trans men and their cis partners have.

2: I flat out will not tolerate anti-cis bias.  Just like I can’t help being born trans, they can’t help being born cis.  Yes, sometimes a cis person will make a stupid comment or not know the right word for something.  That is no reason to be an asshole.  Everyone makes mistakes, just correct it (politely) and move on.

3: I don’t base the entire blog around not offending anyone.  I don’t nitpick every single word and argue over the semantics rather than the point.  If you’re the type of person who enjoys doing such things I suggest leaving.  You’ll only get your undies in a twist and I’m not likely to be interested enough to sort you out.

4: I try to avoid discussing things that I have no experience with.  This means you won’t hear much about trans women or genderqueer identified people on here except as they concern trans men.  Hell, you’re not even going to read much about straight trans guys or masculine trans guys because the blog is largely for (and entirely by) gay, effeminate men who happen to be trans.  If that bothers you you can start your own blog.  This one is mine.

5: You don’t have to read this.  Honestly people, this is the very basis of free speech.  I have a right to say what I wish and you have a right to ignore me.  You also have a right to argue with me, but if you do so in a way that is hateful I can — and will — pretend you don’t exist.  I don’t mind disagreement, it often helps me clarify my own views, I only ask that everyone be respectful as they debate.  We may still disagree, that’s one of the cool things about living in a free society, but with any luck we’ll at least come away with a better understanding of each other’s opinion.

Fuckin’ Finally!

First I have work, then I have to fumigate my apartment (note: always trust your instinct when it comes to pet-sitters), then my ISP decides to turn into evil incarnate, I’m amazed there are actually still hits on here!

I still have comments I need to get to so if there’s anything major anyone’d like me to know hit me up on e-mail (notaiden[at]gmail[dot]com).  For now here’s a question from the Formspring.

I saw you mention on your Tumblr that you could “legally apply for a women’s college.” (But have no intent of doing so.) Does that mean your paperwork says female? And if that’s the case, how do you work around that as a stealth/mostly-stealth transguy?
– cadethedo

My paperwork right now is a mix of damned near everything. Male license and passport, female birth certificate, social security listing, and health insurance, FtM on my GP’s medical records (he’s awesome). Since I’d have to register for school under my SS info (it’s required to match up for FAFSA) I could apply to a women’s college. I’m just not all that interested.

As for stealth, it’s pretty easy. The only time I have to disclose is when an employer runs a background check and then only to the person seeing the paperwork. It does require having some measure of trust in the people you work for so I’m always extra careful about screening potential bosses. I also make it very clear that this is my personal medical information and imply that spreading it around could cause legal problems. It’s not technically true in the vast majority of areas, but I can live with that.

Clearing up a few posts

I’ve been getting quite a few hits on posts that I’m not sure fully express how I feel any more.  They probably need updated, but I’m in the middle of a bit of a perspective change so I can’t quite find the right words.  In any case, I feel it’s important to mention that the following posts are no longer an accurate representation of my feelings and are in need of further clarification:

Issues with Social Genderqueer – This one I think is largely people jumping on one line and missing the entire point of the rest of the post, but that says quite a bit about my ability to clearly articulate the idea I was going for.

FAQ: Gay Men & FtMs – Oh man, was I bitter when I wrote this.  Serious breakup combined with a string of trans-related rejections combined with living in an area where all of the local gay men knew and slept with each other, I was not a happy queen.  It could use a non-bittered update now that I’m in a new area and no longer as bitchy and frustrated.

…And that’s actually it so far.  There may be more lurking back there, but no one’s reading them so I don’t really care 😛